Leadership Lessons For and From Women Living in Joint Families

Disclaimer : I personally don’t live in a joint family.

I was asked to do something for women who do live in a joint family, by a friend, let’s call her Seema, who is in such a predicament. She belongs to a financially affluent business family, with a predominant hierarchical patriarchal structure. She is an educated smart young woman. They are financially well settled, well at least their families are. Seema was happy to socialise, shop and take care of the family, travel until suddenly now that is not enough. While in a social sense, she seems to have it all, she is still way down in the food chain in the family.

I could see her angst at wanting to do something that she found fulfilling. However, the moment I asked her what, she had a list of hurdles that she would face from the family, and how she would not be able to do it. I could see that she could not even get to “The What” because of being mired in the “The How”. We all tend to do this often. We make assumptions, of course we have good reasons for them, however it is important to remember the paradigm that anything is possible and life is unpredictable. Complaining and blaming the people around you, can only help a little by feeling good temporarily as you vent, but taking responsibility for your own happiness is what will redeem you. Focus on yourself. When you are complaining, you are focusing on others. Changing your self and your attitude is something that is in your hands.

The differentiator is the intensity and willingness of the desire to want something. You can nurture this desire, only if you get clarity on what it is that really gives you joy, irrespective of what the society around you thinks is enough. I can assure you, if you are indeed serious about achieving something for yourself, no matter how low in the food chain you are, it is indeed possible. Help and support comes from the most unexpected of areas. The naysayers and hurdle makers are after all family, the toughest of cookies will start to crack to share in your will as you stay true to the course. In fact you need their resistance to know the depth of your own intentions.

Do your bit quietly and continuously, of understanding your own gifts and where your interests lie. Actively seek a small support group of family and/or friends that actually believe in you and wish for your happiness.

Be patient and open to all possibilities. This is very important. Keep moving in the direction you aspire for slowly and surely.

There are many women in the workforce that face resistance as they try to balance their work and family lives. The same principles of Leadership would apply to them and can be replicated in any situation, only the characters may change a little.